acclimation
after nearly 3 years in philadelphia i decided, new year’s eve, that it was time to move back to the south. i missed my friends. i missed my family. i missed being warm—both literally and figuratively.
february 1 i made the move.
since then it’s as if i’ve been living my life inside-out. i feel like i’ve come back quieter, and smaller. i watch people more than i used to.
geography is a tricky thing. i blamed it for the distances between the people i care about and me, but now that i’m back it seems as though most of them are as far away as they ever were.
i don’t know what to do with myself. i have been welcomed back with open arms but still, every day, this tail-between-my-legs feeling pervades. i set out to do something— to be bigger, stronger, better. i wanted to conquer something. every day that i’m here, despite the restorative properties, feels like defeat.
i need to be here. moving back, i know, was the right decision. but that still doesn’t stop me from folding into myself, asking again and again,
what now?
1 year ago • Notes